Wednesday, May 20, 2009

My Top Ten World's WORST bands / artists

There's sooo much crappy music out there, let's face it.

And, I also recognise that music is very, very subjective. BUT, there are some factors that play in, some intangible qualities that are hard to define, which I really won't bother writing a whole lot about.

The funny thing is, people have a really hard time admitting that they listen to shitty music. I don't know why. I've always found it a very strange trait in certain people. There's always that guy or girl you meet at a party that just assumes that *Enter-name-of-artist-or-b
and* is brilliant, when in fact most people with an IQ above their own age and a set of ears clearly know said artist or band is complete shait. It's as if people refuse to admit they overindulge on ice-cream or chocolate now and again. It's OK to indulge in junk now and again. The danger is when you let it define who you are.

There are also ALOT of artists I could include in this list. But I've tried to stay clear of the really, really obvious ones, like *in-one-breath:* Celine Dion, Bon Jovi, Vanilla Ice, Milli Vanilli, Michael Bolton, Kenny G, Limp Bizkit, P Diddy, Pussycat Dolls, Aqua, Blink 182 and so forth. What I've tried to do is find bands or artists that really, really define CRAPNESS in a way that is not completely obvious, but after some thought and reflection you realise that they embody total evil (much like the book The Secret).

In no particular order:

I mean...just LOOK at them!

1. Nickelback

I cannot explain how much I fundamentally, absolutely and completely hate this band. I don't even know where to begin. Honestly. It represents everything that is wrong about the music-industry, in fact it epitomises what is evil in the Universe.



Geezus.

2. Creed

For over two years in a row, if you typed in "World's Worst Band" in Google, this was the result. Enough said. The Internets has spoken. Every time I hear "with arms wide open," I want to strangle a kitten.



Douchebags.

3. Live

Any band that performs a song called "The Dolphin's Cry" deserves to get the living crap beaten out of them. By dolphins.





Even bigger douchebags

4. The Offspring

To this day I cannot comprehend how people actually like this shit. I know skatepunk wasn't the most nuanced of musicgenres, but these guys really gave it a bad name.





5. Insane Clown Posse, shared with Slipknot

These guys give themselves out to be soooo rebellious and underground, but in reality they are greedy and canny selfpromoters and marketers, giving a segment exactly what they want and laughing all the way to the bank.




THE douchiest of them all.

6. Jonas Brothers, Hannah Montana etc

Talking about laughing to the bank, but with a creepier laughter, for me these guys represent everything that is wrong and dangerous about America. If my kids begin liking this in addition to Bratz and Pokemon, I'll shoot myself.




Crikey.

7. Tokio Hotel

There are so many things I could list to qualify this band in the list, but this picture says it all.




Gross.

8. Hanson

It was a long time ago, but I still hate these guys with the same intensity. Goddamn hippies.




F*ck you, frog.

9. Crazy Frog

You probably don't know who Erik Wernquist is. He is the one who invented Crazy Frog, and someone needs to throw poo in his face.




The first "Blue Steel" courtesy of Jim Morrison

10. The Doors

Jim Morrison apparently died of a heartattack while masturbating in a bathtub in Paris. Hmm. The Doors is a perfect example of what I mean by crap that you realise is crap after smelling it. Most people, while in College, read alot of intellectual stuff like Nietzsche, do drugs, get into North-American indiginous folklore and other weird stuff. Morrison never got over it and decided he would inflict his adolescent views upon the world while incessively doped up, and being really sweaty in BEIGE leather pants.






"Honorable" mentions:

ABBA, Smashmouth, Emobands like Panic! At The Disco, Good Charlotte, Fall Out Boy etc, Boney M, Sisqo, Avril Lavigne, DJ Tiesto, Espen Lind, Ylvis Brothers

More suggestions:

Katie Melua, Keane, Garth Brooks, Smokie, Olsen Brothers

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